98024

Joke of the Day

"""Hey sorry Im overprotective, guess I just get nervous since I watched OUR FAMILY GET MURDERED!"" -What the dad on Finding Nemo shouldve said"

"Radio from an American boat: Mayday, mayday. We are sinking! Radio back from a German rescue ship: What are you sinking about?"

"My mum likes mixing drinks But I have no idea why she wanted me to put vodka in cider."

"What's white on top and black on bottom? Society What's black on top and white on bottom? Rape"

"""Keep away from children to avoid suffocation"" was the best advice I've ever received. You have to pay for that nowadays"

"Why did Native Americans stop sharing peace-pipes with settlers? They noticed the settlers were always blowing smoke out their ass."

"My LASIK doctor said that if I get 2000 upvotes on this post I'll get free treatment. Upvote for visibility."

"I hate when fire trucks drive real slow with the siren on. There's one behind me right now. So annoying."

"What do you call rubber bumpers on yachts? Shark absorbers!"

"Accidentally dialed 911 so I set my neighbor's house on fire so I wouldn't look stupid."