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Joke of the Day

"What's the secret to a great joke The timing. The timeing."

"Just ordered a chicken and an egg on Amazon I'll be sure to let you know which one wins so we can settle this once and for all."

"What do a teenage girl and her baby have in common? They're both thinking, ""Oh shit! My mom's gonna kill me."""

"I don't stereotype.... I type with one hand."

"I love when people say to me... Omg! Your so funny on FB. If they only knew about my awesome copy & paste ability..They could be just as funny!"

"Where did this concept of kidnappers using white vans come from? I mean, I just use my Prius, stop being so stereotypical, jeez."

"Where does Optimus Prime go for cosmetic repairs? To the autobotty shop!"

"My biggest fear is dying alone. Not really stoked to die with people either. You know, dying in general doesn't exactly sound like pancakes."

"Found an old Tom Jones CD and my underwear drawer flew wide open and all my undies threw themselves at my stereo."

"The Earth and the Moon get in an argument The Moon tried to be the bigger body and walk away, but the Earth grabbed it and said ""I don't think you understand the gravity of the situation. """