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Joke of the Day

"The forest animals are about to rip me apart but suddenly they back off. Hillary Clinton emerges from the trees. The animals bow their heads"

"What if sun screen is really just a seasoning rub created by aliens."

"I joined a 12 step program for people who talk too much. Its called OnAndOnAnon"

"My relationship therapist got a divorce"

"What does a baby look like after a minute in the microwave? I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate."

"The inauguration is today... Trump: Unprecedented Obama: Un-Presidented"

"What did the hippie say when his girlfriend told him to move out? Nah, I'm a stay. (namaste)"

"Really Smooth. I lied told my dad that school was canceled. He said,"" lets go see a movie."" We got in the car and he dropped me off at school."

"""It's not the principle, it's the money."" Spike Milligan RIP"

"Can't figure out if my dad is defusing a bomb or trying to answer his cell phone. It's tense! ""The green one dad, not the Red one!"""