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Joke of the Day

"What do a teenage girl and her baby have in common? They're both thinking, ""Oh shit! My mom's gonna kill me."""

"A quick question... How do I disable the autocorrect function on my girlfriend?"

"""Annie are you ok?"" -yep ""Are you ok?"" -dude, I just said yes ""Are you ok Annie?"" -THIS IS WHY YOU DON'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS MICHAEL"

"I went to a Halloween party dressed as a chicken, and hooked up with a girl dressed as an egg. Things happened but in the end, we answered a life-long question... The chicken came first."

"Do not adopt a snow leopard? i did its ruined the sofa, there is shit all over the house,my arms are in ribbons and now i cant find the dog, i think some charities can be downright irresponsible!"

"I want to have sex with McKayla Maroney... But I think she would be unimpressed."

"a toast to wives...girlfriends and lovers... may they never meet..."

"Toyota's solution for sticky gas pedal - shorten driver's right leg"

"Why does it seem like 90% of Redditors are hardcore liberal atheists? Because the conservatives are at work."

"How many Elvis impersonators does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One for the money, two for the show."