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Joke of the Day

"""Smoking breaks"" at work should be deducted from annually leave. We all have addictions, you don't see me leave a meeting to fry plantain"

"why don't melons run away to get married? because they cantaloupe"

"Why was the big hairy two-headed monster top of the class at school? Because two heads are better than one."

"""nooooooo!!!"" - 20 yr old me seeing how much weed 35 yr old me brushes onto the floor to get ready for company"

"I am fed up with all these incest jokes about us Kentuckians. It's offensive to me as well as Uncle Dad."

"How are women and tornadoes alike? They moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they leave."

"Just once I'd like to wake up as eager to start the day as my p*nis is."

"I tried to take a picture of some fog... I mist. ^I'll^see^myself^out^BYE!"

"Just found a spider in my shoe. He looks ridiculous, they are way too big for him."

"Funny how arguing works. We're all ""You clearly disagree with me, so I will now repeat my point with steadily increasing levels of volume"""