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Joke of the Day

"Man comes running in the door at home all excited. ""Honey, pack your bags! I won the lottery"" she asks ""should I pack for the beach or the mountains?"" I don't care. Just get the fuck out."

"Why do seagulls fly over the sea? because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels."

"What do you call the corner of the market that specializes in philosophy? A Nietzsche market!"

"Why did the lime disapprove of his daughter? Because she was a little tart."

"Terry wogans head stene is to be left blankity blank"

"Wife: ""Did you know that some idiot paid $96,000 for Princess Leia's gold bikini?"" Me: [nervously tightening my robe] ""Who would do that?"""

"What's the difference between jam and jelly? You can't jelly your dick down a whore's throat."

"[clown cleaning shower] MRS CLOWN: Don't forget to remove the hair from the drain. [clown just keeps pulling long multi-coloured hair out]"

"A man and a boy are walking through the dark woods together Boy: Wow this is really scary Man: How do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone!!!"

"A ceiling fan wont cut a bagel in half, not even on top speed"