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Joke of the Day

"Scientists have grown human vocal chords in a Petri dish. The results speak for themselves."

"Tell me twitter, just how the f am I similar to a Buick dealership?"

"Arrogant Co-Worker: Do you have any idea how many years of education I have? Me: Don't feel bad, I got held back a couple of times myself."

"Before firemen rescue cats from trees they always take a photo and that's where 'hang in there, baby!' posters come from."

"What's a holocaust survivor's favorite movie? Gone With The Wind."

"Why does Pinnochio always get an erection when he's in a forest? Because he has a woodpecker!"

"What's the difference between a Lamborghini and dead babies? I didn't lose my virginity in the back of a Lamborghini."

"Paula Deen is set to release memoirs about life with Type 2 diabetes It will be titled ""Paula Deen - For Butter or Worse"""

"Pistorius won't have trouble finding his feet when they jail him, they will be kept in a box next to the door"

"Just got off 30 min phone call w a friend who has twin 2 yr olds, & even tho i havent had sex in a week I'm taking a morning after pill NOW."