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Joke of the Day

"I told my wife 'a blowjob a day keeps the doctor away.' For Christmas she bought me better medical coverage."

"What did they call the Pillsbury Doughboy after he hurt his leg? Limp Biscuit"

"What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts cost $1.50, while deer nuts are under a buck."

"Who wins in a race to San Francisco, the lesbian couple or the gay couple? The lesbians. They get there lickity split while the gays are still packin it in!"

"Nice try little pine tree air freshener, but this gas station restroom needs the efforts of an entire forest."

"[At supermarket] ""Excuse me do you work here?"" WHAT? ME? Work HERE? Hell no. I went to college. I don't have a job"

"How can you tell if a tornado is stupid? -If it spins anti-cyclonically"

"If your Dad leaves, just act like you're installing a new screen door. All the Dads of the neighborhood will gather round. Pick your new Dad"

"What did Hitler say to his men before they got in the tank? Men, get in the tank."

"Just saw the first duckface of Spring."