116007

Joke of the Day

"I leave the window open at night hoping a drunk criminal will accidentally drop a bag of money inside while trying to break in."

"Bloody Fords! How is a voiceless crow like a Ford dealer? They both have broken kaa's."

"Who do you call during a Zika virus emergency? The SWAT team"

"Parties: for those times you're just dying to clean up twice in twelve hours."

"The fact that the self-checkout computer doesn't say ""This shit is bananas"" when scanning bananas seems like a wasted opportunity."

"*whispering to my newborn son* weed is tight. im siked for u to try it son. im so excited for you. i love you"

"Hipster fire department unable to make building cool."

"Whats a ducks favourite type of sex? [OC] Pondage"

"Last night my girlfriend kept shouting someone's name while we were having sex. I never met anyone named ""Rape"" though."

"To the guy who turned the entire first floor of his house into a giant ball pit - I will find you, and I will marry you"