139656

Joke of the Day

"Walked into the gym and did 1 push up in front of everyone, then ripped off my shirt and walked out grunting 'You did it. You did it.'"

"What do you get when eating toast in bed? Un-crumb-fortable"

"*sees a car with a ""how am i driving"" bumper sticker* *calls the phone number* ME: buddy i think it's with a steering wheel"

"What wood doesn't float? Natalie Wood."

"How did the depressed man get around town? Moped"

"Did you see that Walmart will be closing about 500 stores by the end of the year...? It's going to put about 12 cashiers out of work."

"Sorry I haven't returned your text in 3 days, I was taking a nap."

"What does wearing Crocs and getting your dick sucked by a dude I have in common? They both feel really good but when you look down you know you're gay."

"I would tell you a wifi joke ...but i left it InSSIDer.."

"Why can Egyptian crocodiles never admit when they are wrong? They're always in de Nile."