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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between my dick and my paycheck? I don't have to beg my wife to blow my paycheck."

"I'm planning on being more spontaneous in the future"

"What's a baseball players favorite type cake? A bundt cake."

"If you were to wrap a cloud as a gift, what would you wrap it with? A RAINBOW!"

"""Actually, I'll have you know I have a degree in liberal arts"" ""That's great ma'am, but I ordered fries with my meal"""

"A man sitting in a barber's chair noticed that the barber's hands were very dirty. When he commented on this the barber explained ""Yes sir no one's been in for a shampoo yet."""

"[first date] HER: Do you have any hobbies? ME: Yes! Wait, did you say ""hobbits""? HER: No, hobbies ME: Oh, then no"

"I put a life-size alien doll in my passenger seat for halloween and I've caught myself talking to it 3 times"

"What's an astrounaut's favorite key on keyboard? The space bar"

"A man is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. The female cashier says: ""You must be single."" The man answers: ""Wow, how did you know?"" Cashier: ""Because you're ugly."""