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Joke of the Day

"[first date] HER: Do you have any hobbies? ME: Yes! Wait, did you say ""hobbits""? HER: No, hobbies ME: Oh, then no"

"I've done hundreds of crossword puzzles over the years, but just this morning I noticed they provide clues."

"Why did the egg spill his guts at an AA meeting? He was addicted to crack."

"What do you get when Philip Glass breaks? John Cage."

"Can we have a moment of silence for all the great tweets that never make it out of the shower..."

"""will..."" *Starbucks barista squints at name on cup* ""... the Red Slime Shoddy please stand up?"" *Eminem flips table and storms out*"

"A three legged puppy walks into a bar The puppy looks at everyone in the bar and says, I'm looking for the man that shot my paw."

"To make my guests comfortable, I always put a sign in the bathroom that says ""Don't worry, I cleaned, those are permanent stains."""

"Press 'B' really fast after asking a girl out on a date to increase your chances of catching her"

"You scream, we all scream, I apologize for entering the womens bathroom."