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Joke of the Day

"Avoid cars that have a sign saying 'baby on board'. That driver has only had a couple of hours sleep and is likely to be suicidal."

"Next week I'm gonna have an MRI scan. I'll finally find out if I have claustrophobia."

"If the doorbell rings, its normal to drop, shimmy across the floor, press your body to the wall & not breath till the person is gone, right?"

"Guys, if you want to make a girl moan, tremble, and scream: be a spider."

"I failed my biology test today A question asked, ""What is commonly found in cells?"" Apparently ""black people"" wasn't the right answer"

"I'm writing a song about getting my front door lock replaced. There's a lovely key change at the end."

"noooo lost a drinking game guess i have to drink this alcohol i paid for with full intention of consuming"

"A dog is ironing shirts and cursing under it's breath: ""What a fool I was! Bring me the slippers, my ass!""."

"What does modern horror films and the 2000 presidential election have in common? It's Al Gore"

"As a child whenever I asked my parents to close the closet at night they always said. ""Why? Anything that could kill you can open that door"""