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Joke of the Day

"What do you call the total pay from your jobs as a garbageman, a sewage plant worker, and a drug smuggler? Your gross income."

"Wearing crocs is like being blown by a dude... It feels great until you look down and realize that you're gay."

"Patient To Doctor Patient: Doctor, I have a pain in my eye whenever I drink tea. Doctor: Take the spoon out of the mug before you drink."

"Decks. Because I like to be outdoors, but not like all on the ground and shit."

"A cannibal once ate a fortune-teller for dinner. He liked his medium rare."

"People whose TL is only quotes from famous people---You do realize you're not a desk calendar, right?"

"A friend of mine is allergic to both peanut butter and bees, which he discovered when he bit into the worst sandwich ever."

"A Farmer and his cows A farmer counted his Cows before taking them to auction and counted 196 of them. But when he rounded them up, he had 200."

"A lady cut me off... The other day a lady cut me off who was texting while driving. I got so mad at her I pulled up beside her and threw my beer can at her."

"if you can get a price tag onto a priceless jewel they have to sell it to you for that price, it's a simply trick that saves on heist work"