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Joke of the Day

"Dear YouTube: Please just assume that I'd like to ""skip ad"". You don't need to ask anymore."

"I really hate it when my gay friends joke about docking... It really gets under my skin."

"Opinions are like orgasms... Mine is more important, and I don't really care if you have one."

"What did the elephant say to the naked man? How do you breathe through that tiny thing?"

"I want to write a tweet that is so offensive that it reduces my followers to zero."

"if u think ur house is haunted get a cat. whooshing sound? it's the cat. hear footsteps? def the cat. unseen being devouring your soul? cat."

"Everyone talks about roses on a piano... I just want tulips on my organ."

"What is the difference between snow men and snow women? Snowballs"

"I'm finally part of the cool crowd! *waddles off with colony of penguins*"

"My wife said ""I bet you can't go a whole day without telling a period joke.""I said ""You're on."""