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Joke of the Day

"Officer: ""didn't you know that sleeping in your car on the side of the road is illegal ?"" Me: ""yes I did officer. But this isn't my car"""

"So I walked by a restaurant in Maine! It had a sign up "" Happy hour special: Lobster tail and beer!"" I said to myself. Jesus, my three favorite things!"

"What type of currency do people use in outer space? STARbucks."

"What do you call a cow that gets hit by a car? A dead cow! (My 5-year old made up this joke)"

"What did one earthquake say to the other? ""I don't know what your blaming me for, it's your fault!"""

"Just got added to a list called ""people."" Glad I made that cut."

"What do you call gasoline that comes in first place? Win Diesel"

"It's ironic how the Segway-driving chinese cameraman plowed into the fastest man alive... ...because he ran into a bolt."

"Why did Trump have to legally change his first name to Donad? Because Hillary took the L."

"What has four legs and goes ""Oom! Oom!""? A cow walking backwards!"