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Joke of the Day

"My friend keeps saying ""cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water"" I hope he means well..."

"Don't you hate those people who are obsessed with tracking their steps? Fucking pedophiles."

"Whats the difference between jam and jelly? I can't jelly my cock down your throat."

"Why did Skrillex's girlfriend dump him? Because he D-D-D-D-DROPPED THE BABY."

"I'm convinced that those at work who drum on every available surface incessantly killed things as a child."

"Fresh and Funny! Hey Sue, what do you say to a nice walk? Oh Harry, that would be lovely! Wonderful. Could you bring me some beer and cigarettes on your way back?"

"Jesus take the wheel. No that's a book. A penny. A rock. DAMMIT JESUS DIDN'T YOU TAKE THAT ENGLISH AS A SECOND LANGUAGE CLASS I RECOMMENDED"

"What did the cannibal make of the politician he just met? Pork and bologne sammiches."

"Why did ginny make harry get rid of his invisibility cloak? He kept coming out of no where"

"Hubby's head seems like it's almost twice the size of mine. We are never having children."