229202

Joke of the Day

"I'm on hold with West Elm and they're playing a contemporary jazz song with a man saying ""aquarium"" every 4 counts. Hold music is evolving"

"I just watched my dog chase his tail for ten minutes, and I thought to myself, Wow, dogs are easily entertained. Then I realized : I just watched my dog chase his tail for ten minutes."

"Student loans: because you should know what it's like to be one of the poor people you're always going on about"

"Me: My blood pressure is sky high. I need to get my affairs in order. Him: Make a will? Me: I was thinking flings with hot men, but OK."

"How do neurons communicate? Cell phones"

"My girlfriend is a pornstar She will kill me if she finds out. Edit: Holy poop, front page of reddit mum get the camera"

"*meets girl for coffee* *sets down blueprints for bank* ""What's this?"" Your dating profile said you were looking for a partner in crime"

"Back in my day, we didn't have computers or the internet. Guys would have to walk uphill for days to tell me I'm gay."

"If he's hot on your heels, dump him. You do not want a man who looks better in your shoes than you do."

"I thought of this joke while at work today, tell me what you think! Why can't two jealous people talk on the phone together? It is always an insecure line!"