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Joke of the Day

"How do neurons communicate? Cell phones"

"My neighbor told me he childproofed his house. And the very next day his wife came home with a newborn. Worst. Childproofer. Ever."

"What type of doctor prescribes Coke and 7-up for a living? A Poptometrist!"

"to discover what's going on with justin bieber we caught up with his manager scooter braun, who is named after two different types of razors"

"Where's the 'Alpha male' bint putting out a video that becomes famous for the line ""LEAVE JEREMY (Clarkson) ALONE!""?... In written form on every comment thread of every relative social media post."

"I hate watching termites. They're boring."

"Why can't you talk to spiders who get shut in pianos? They'll B flat"

"[arguing w girlfriend] Her: I feel like we have communication problems. Me: srsly? wow I text u like every day."

"A superposition walks into a bar . . . . . . or ***did*** it???"

"I'M RAGING AGAINST THE MACHINE! Okay, I'm just frustrated with this copier, but I sighed pretty loud, so I think it knows how I feel!"