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Joke of the Day

"Wife: I'm glad you're watching TLC and looking to improve yourself. So who are your new friends? Husband: These would be your Sister Wives"

"Naming my favorite books is like choosing which of my kids I love more! In that I have a full list right here, do you have a pencil ready"

"You know how bullies stick a kid's head in the toilet & flush? We need to give Bieber credit for turning that into a look."

"911:What's your emergency? M:I've been shot.. 911:ok sir,keep calm now.. M:thru the heart..and you're to blame 911:Mr Jovi,this has to stop."

"People say I don't have what it takes Yeah, because every time I get it, it takes it."

"Why Heisenberg didn't have any kids the second he found the position he lost the momentum, when he got momentum he couldn't find the position."

"Reports are coming in of an elephant doing a ton in the highway. Police ask motorists to drive carefully and to yield right of way."

"RIP boiling water You shall be mist"

"What flower loves to be in the sun? Sunflower."

"The worst part about killing baby hitler is when you come back and everyone says ""who?"" but you still killed a baby."