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Joke of the Day

"RIP boiling water You shall be mist"

"Why wouldn't you ever see a pachyderm on a civil warship? Because an elephant never frigates. aaahhhthankyou"

"Embracing mistakes.... I told my dad to embrace his mistakes. He cried. Then he hugged my sister & me."

"I don't like to talk about masturbation. It's a touchy subject for me."

"I don't understand why it's called a Chastity Belt. Everyone I know named Chastity is a stripper."

"5 years ago today, I quit drinking And 4 years, 364 days, and 12 hours ago today, I started again"

"The Republicans told us that if we let the gays marry, soon people'd be marring horses! I'm still waiting. :("

"LIKE if you've already broke one of your New Year's Resolutions."

"Being single at this time is not based on my wanting freedom to do what I want....It's more due to the fact that I want the freedom to not have to do what someone else wants."

"What do you call a Mexican Gummy Bear? Delici**OSO**!"