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Joke of the Day

"Apple is advertising the new iPhone as ""The most powerful four inches ever."" I can't believe they stole my slogan."

"I tried to donate a kidney once... ...they wouldn't take it though because I wouldn't tell them where I got it."

"Who's this moderation person everyone tells me to drink with?"

"Did you hear about the cowboy who wore paper trousers, paper shirts and a paper hat... He was arrested for rustling."

"My wedding vows said ""till death do us part."" My wife died, so I was a free man. Then she came back and bit me."

"The University of Alabama is the only place... where Ancestry.com and eHarmony are one and the same."

"Ladies... don't jump to conclusions that your boyfriend is cheating just because he never wants you to look at his phone. It's probably just full of porn"

"I'd rather my son bring home a pregnant girl than head lice"

"It really hurts for me to say this but... I have a sore throat."

"What does my calendar look like? Let me check. It has a bunch of fucking numbers on it and no space for you."