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Joke of the Day

"My wedding vows said ""till death do us part."" My wife died, so I was a free man. Then she came back and bit me."

"Why does the nurse always carry a red pen while at work? To draw blood."

"If I knit you a sweater, Computer, will you stop freezing?"

"Die Hard (1988) A shoeless New Yorker murders a bunch of people at his wife's office Christmas party."

"""Why?"" - Socrates and four year-olds"

"What did the organic chemist use tinder for? Carbon dating."

"I went to cinema last night and saw a movie about cheese. It was G rated."

"If you can't handle me getting arrested in my pajama pants at Walmart than you don't deserve me buying produce in my yoga pants at Target."

"The awkward moment when Lady Gaga has no idea what to wear for halloween."

"When you swallow a spider in your sleep, eat some dead flies the morning after to ensure the spider gives you a positive Trip Advisor rating"