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Joke of the Day

"Don't put words in my mouth...my foot is already in there."

"J.R.R. Tolkien's full name is Jolkien Rolkien Rolkien Tolkien."

"What do you call a person with a nose but no body? Nobody knows"

"If Facebook has proved ANYTHING, it's that the love of your life is someone you've never actually met."

"The Russians official stance on the downed MH17 flight: Donetsk, don't tell."

"If A Tree Falls Down In The Woods... But no one is around to hear it. Does a hipster still buy the album?"

"I just flushed a stink bug down the toilet along with the dump. Who's the stink bug now, Bitch?"

"When I first saw you from across the room, I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life avoiding you."

"LPT: If you are a minor, get rid of your bathroom mirror so you won't see yourself naked and accidentally get arrested and registered as a sex offender. Spread the word."

"Men say they love Asian women but every time I fry up a new boyfriend's cat or dog it's like all the appreciation goes out the window."