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Joke of the Day

"My aunt found a lump below her left breast recently. It was my penis."

"""This birthday cake certainly is crunchy."" ""Maybe you should spit out the plate!"""

"I learned that you transfer more germs shaking hands than kissing....It didn't take HR long to stop me from introducing myself to women..."

"I just passed my drug test my dealer has some explaining to do"

"How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? None. The light bulb will change itself when it's ready."

"I have someone I want you meet - how is she? - she full - ehh... - of love - great! - to food - ..."

"*walks into confessional, closes door and sits down* Me: Alright. Look alive over there, Father, I've had a pretty wild week..."

"I love using those really powerful bathroom hand dryers, because I get to see what it would look like if my hands went skydiving."

"Which came first: the chicken or the egg? The rooster"

"*kisses new boss on lips as I say goodbye at the end of my first day*"