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Joke of the Day

"I love using those really powerful bathroom hand dryers, because I get to see what it would look like if my hands went skydiving."

"At the doctor's... - Sir, you need to stop masturbating. - Why, doc? - So I can start examining you!"

"Cop 1: You think Simon will escape? Cop 2: Nah, he's locked up in there good. Simon: Simon Says free me. Cop 1: Dang it, he got us."

"The White House bar and restaurant, upon Trump's arrival, will reduce their beverage selections to just two choices: You can get a White Russian or an Orange Julius."

"What will Stevie Wonder's next album be called? Songs In the Key Of Death"

"What's the last thing a Tickle-Me Elmo gets before leaving the factory? Two test-tickles!"

"I had morning wood. But my wife has morning wouldn't. So now I'm mourning wood."

"Your momma's so fat... ...that when I asked her what her what her favorite time of the year was, she said, ""dinner time."""

"If you have a referee in football what do you have in bowls? Cornflakes!"

"Why do ghosts eat more sandwiches than bears? Because there's more sandwiches in your fridge. };)"