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Joke of the Day

"I just passed my drug test my dealer has some explaining to do"

"I made a graph of my past girlfriends. It has an ex axis and a why axis."

"Have you guys seen the new Ray Rice's jersey It's a wife beater"

"""Put your pants on grandma, you're scaring the reptiles!"" - Me, camping"

"My Vietnamese friends just got married. They have the same common last name, so neither of them needed to change anything. You could say it's a Nguyen-Nguyen situation."

"What Metallica song does Captain America hate? Trapped Under Ice."

"What did the thesaurus eat for breakfast? A synonym roll."

"I have a gun by my bed. So in the event of an intruder, I can shoot myself to avoid having to interact with a human being."

"Two nudists philosophers were sitting around when one of them asked the other, ""Have you read Marx?"" The other one replied ""Yes, I think it's the wicker furniture""."

"*hands stranger a condom S: I don't need this Me: Yes, you do. I saw the way you pulled out of your driveway. Your pull out game is weak"