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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the Italian chef that died? Yeah, he pasta way"

"A study conducted by a group of scientists shows that women that have more than 25% body fat live longer than the men who mention it to them"

"7yo: Let's not talk ALL day today 6yo: Ok! Me: *holy shit yessss* 7yo: LET'S ONLY WHISTLE AND CLAP INSTEAD Me: Right. Of course."

"Make sure you don't forget the 'R' when you're Googling, ""movies of Gary Oldman."""

"*texts son ""dont say me"" as wife heads to his bedroom* wife to son: why did you put next years date on your science paper about time travel?"

"If I worked for Papa Johns as a delivery man I would break down every door with an axe as I say ""Here's Johnny!"" Guaranteed tips."

"Do you know what's funnier than 24? *25*"

"Accidentally got a ""male"" order bride and I was gonna return him but Sergei is just so good with my kids"

"My mate was freaking out today, crying and all. He had no idea how he was going to become the fruit farmer he'd always dreamed of being. I told him to grow a pear."

"Babies are like farts. We only like our own."