211964

Joke of the Day

"A British man enters customs at an Australian airport. The officer asks ""Do you have a criminal record?"" The man looks confused and replies ""No, do I still need one?"""

"I'd explain it to you again but I'm fresh out of crayons and puppets"

"Apparently Kevin Bacon was killed last night. . . And they're charging the shooter with 6th degree murder. . ."

"What do u call a lesbian with 9in fingers? Well hung."

"A mother walks in on her son playing with his privates... ""You really like those new toy soldiers, don't you?"""

"A priest and a rabbi are sitting on a park bench when a little boy runs by. ""I'd love to screw that little kid,"" said the priest. The rabbi responds, ""Out of what?"""

"The ironic thing about the original Scooby Doo adventures was that the only real supernatural phenomena they encountered was a TALKING DOG."

"How many Marines does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Fuck it, we'll drink in the dark. (Happy birthday Devildogs)"

"Mum: How come your friend ______ hasn't been around lately? Me: Because he turned into a cunt."

"I am so good at sleeping I can do it with my eyes closed."