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Joke of the Day

"I get my women how I get my coffee Bitter, overpriced, and disappointing."

"Happy Valentine's Day!! If you don't have that perfect someone in your life, you are worthless. Die."

"Walked past the fridge today and heard some onions singing the Bee Gees... ...turns out it was just some Ch-ch-ch-chivvveesss talking."

"What's the difference between a joke and a religion? Jokes are rarely offered as an excuse for civilised people to kill other people."

"I asked a genie for the ability to shoot microwaves from my hands... Clunk. These are heavy."

"I called that Rape Advice Line earlier today. Unfortunately, it's only for victims."

"Apparently Cadbury's are making an oriental chocolate bar I reckon it's just a Chinese whisper"

"I've never met an exam I've liked... They've all been too testy for me."

"While it may be physically possible to have a baby after 40, forty children are probably enough."

"Well, it's that time of year again when people come up to me with their scary face and frightening clothes with their hand held out wanting money and shit. I hate my job at the welfare office."