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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a joke and a religion? Jokes are rarely offered as an excuse for civilised people to kill other people."

"I used to have dreams... then I became an insomniac"

"*found in the netflix horror section* ""Mary has a secret that'll TEAR YOU APART"" Movie name: Mary piranha"

"What did the conservatives say to the abortion rights supporters? You'll never de-fetus."

"Poor old lady!! I saw a poor old lady fall unconscious in the snow today. Well I'm assuming she was poor, she only had 86p in her purse."

"Nice try government. But I'm not taking you back until I know where you've been for the last two weeks."

"my mum didn't know I could make a car out of spaghetti. That was until I drove pasta"

"How many lesbians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just one, except she scissors it in."

"What's worse than a fish in the SS? *Adolf*in. Man, I did *Nazi* that coming."

"Why is Obama left-handed? Because blacks have no rights"