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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pile of leafs? Russel"

"The next version of Android oughta be called Nuts. That way I can tell everyone that they're holding an Android with its nuts in their hand."

"""I'm running late"" makes sense. ""I'm running early"" makes no sense. ""I'm standing impatiently early"" makes sense."

"What does Sherlock call his friends? His Holmies"

"What's not 50% off today? Health insurance"

"Me: goodnight kids Kids: goodnight dad Me: goodnight monster that eats children who are bad Wife: [through radio under the bed] GOODNIGHT"

"How many communists does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One guy to screw in the light bulb, and the other guy to shoot him if he doesn't do it right."

"What did the elephant say when he was pulled out of the quicksand by the balls? Thank you, Mr. and Mrs. Ball!"

"Doctor: ""I'm sorry, sir, but you have an STD. I suggest you make a list of all your partners--"" Lou Bega: ""Way ahead of you."""

"In every soap opera we've ever watched, we are taught that running away and leaving doesn't solve our problems Didn't stop the Brits from trying"