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Joke of the Day

"Have you read the book about the guy who can only ejaculate a virus? It's a classic coming-a-phage story."

"TIL that there are over 1 million battered women in the US. And I've been eating mine plain! Who knew?"

"The other day I saw a guy with sin/cos on his arm... ... He had a really nice tan"

"What they're actually saying is ""I can't even [finish this sentence due to the complexities of being a white girl on the existential level]"""

"Got caught up in a really great book last night... I didn't stop coloring till 2 o'clock this morning!"

"My wife asked me why I carry a gun around the house. ""To fight the Decepticons,"" I said. She laughed. I laughed. The toaster laughed. I shot the toaster."

"I remember Daddy told me fairy tales can come true so any time an old lady offers me an apple or cookie I kill her and bury her in the woods"

"Over the Internet, you can pretend to be anyone or anything. I'm amazed that so many people choose to be complete idiots."

"A willow tree walks into a bar, and a guy sitting next to the counter says to the bartender, Who's the new guy? And the bartender says, I don't know, but I've heard he's a shady character!"

"How do you celebrate an Ethiopian child's first birthday? By laying flowers on their grave."