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Joke of the Day

"I remember Daddy told me fairy tales can come true so any time an old lady offers me an apple or cookie I kill her and bury her in the woods"

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Abba ! Abba who ? Abba'out turn ! Quick march!"

"Me: Sorry, I can't tonight. I already made plans. Him: That's too bad. There's going to be open bar and-- Me: What time should I be there?"

"Went into a five-star hotel to use the bathroom and now it's a two-star hotel."

"What do the Egyptians call a man who cannot keep his opinions to himself? IMHOtep"

"How did the Hipster burn his tongue? He drank coffee before it was cool"

"You know that photo of yourself you really fucking hate, it'll look great to you in ten years time so don't delete that shit."

"9/10 people think that mobbing at work is okay..."

"I was arrested yesterday for stealing eggs. I could've sworn they were free range."

"What is WILL.I.AM going to be called after he dies? WILL.I.WAS"