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Joke of the Day

"What they're actually saying is ""I can't even [finish this sentence due to the complexities of being a white girl on the existential level]"""

"Hey hot single dads; I wanna call you daddy too."

"Alcohol: You know Kung Fu and you're not afraid to use it Brain: This makes sense right now Body: We're on board Pavement: Come at me bro"

"A young lady who had just been dumped by her boyfriend seemed unusuallycheerful. Someone asked her why, and she replied that, sooner or later,time wounds all heels."

"Did youhear about the Newfie abortion clinic? It's so busy there's a twelve month waiting list."

"You heard about /r/politics? Or as I like to call it, ""Baby's first election."""

"I'm going to slide down your chimney tonight. Wink. Wink."

"ever notice how santa give rich kids better presents than poor kids. come on 8yr olds put your thinking caps on"

"What's worse than having your car impounded by the police? Impounding your mother"

"People are weird. Everyone knows door handles spread disease, but whenever I ask a business owner if I can clean his knob I get thrown out."