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Joke of the Day

"Over the Internet, you can pretend to be anyone or anything. I'm amazed that so many people choose to be complete idiots."

"Q: How do convicts get drugs while they're in prison? A: Some asshole brings 'em in."

"Apparently, walking up behind a girl in the produce isle with celery in my hand and saying ""I'm stalking you"" was much funnier in my head."

"Honestly Officer, the pharmacy ran out of those orange pill bottles so they just gave it to me in this plastic baggie."

"Friends are like balloons; if you stab them, they die."

"What do you call Santa living at the South Pole? A lost clause."

"Women are like potato chips They better come with my fucking sandwich"

"I don't think so, people who are thinking so."

"A vegan, an atheist and a reformed ex-smoker walk into a bar. Everyone else in the bar leaves."

"A guy knocked on my door asking for a donation to the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water."