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Joke of the Day

"I just got a part in a movie about dog walking I'm playing the lead"

"Two lizards are being chased by the police ... and one says to the other 'Lose the tail!'"

"You hear about the blind guy on Wheel of Fortune? He asked if he could buy an I."

"Caught red handed I walked in on my wife masturbating while on her period again."

"I'm allergic to Everclear. It makes me break out.. Into handcuffs."

"Q. What do you call a blonde in a leather jacket? A. A rebel without a clue!"

"Did you hear about that celebrity who committed suicide? Reese whatsername? ""Witherspoon?"" ""No, with a knife!"" Only really works if you actually tell it to someone (and can maintain a good pokerface)"

"Why shouldn't you have a conversation under a tree in the fall? There may be leavesdropping"

"Ladies, if he says he's six foot four inches, make sure that's not two separate measurements."

"A year on twitter... I remember when all this was fields."