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Joke of the Day

"Ladies, if he says he's six foot four inches, make sure that's not two separate measurements."

"(UK) Did you hear about the new brand of shampoo for pikeys? Go 'n' Wash"

"I fought in Vietnam I went there last year and some kid took my Cheetos so I hit him."

"If you don't like my selfies, maybe you shouldn't have such a beautiful friend. Maybe you aren't ready to handle that kind of responsibility"

"Taco Bell doesn't have a playground because its hard to have fun when you might shit your pants"

"What's colder than ice cream? ISIS"

"Unappreciated diet tip: If you want to lose a significant amount of weight, it's important to start out really fat."

"I ordered the CliffsNotes version of Snooki's book and they sent me a bar menu, a printout of the urban dictionary and an STD pamphlet."

"BBC News: Two pedestrians die in collision. Fuck, how fast must they have been walking?"

"[NSFW] I got an awesome handjob from my barber after my haircut Just one of the many benefits to cutting your own hair"