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Joke of the Day

"If Bernie Sanders is elected president, I want to spend a weekend at the White House and film it. I'll call it ""Weekend at Bernie's"""

"I think it's time I throw away my fleshlight My masturbation is getting a little out of hand."

"Cool prank: Gradually remove a little bit of your mom's arm bones each night in her sleep until her arms are just totally floppy"

"Where does Noah store his bees? The ark-hives."

"When Jimmy Fallon started hosting The Tonight Show, Conan called him up to offer some advice... The first thing he said was: ""Kill your enemies and see them driven before you..."""

"*licks the powdered sugar off the donuts and puts them back* Boss: I kinda like these new low-cal donuts. Real moist."

"What do you call an Asian Pothead camping in Yellowstone? A Yellowstoner."

"I don't understand why women love singing ""Let it go""... ...Since most of them keep grudges for life."

"ME (a ghost): You know how Bill Nye used to say ""don't try this at home""? Well, I did, and he kicked in the door and shot me in the face."

"What do you call two guys with no arms or legs hanging from a window? Curt and Rod"