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Joke of the Day

"ME (a ghost): You know how Bill Nye used to say ""don't try this at home""? Well, I did, and he kicked in the door and shot me in the face."

"I never get invited to search parties."

"Why was the tree soooo happy? Because he didn't arbor any feelings!"

"Go away, mosquito. I've already had the blood drained out of me by my job."

"Did a T Rex have two copies of each chromosome? I reckon it was a diploidocus"

"When my wife said let's do something fun for our anniversary I had no idea she meant together. I'm a man not a mind reader. I forgive you."

"Pushed too hard against my eardrum with a Q-tip and reset my brain."

"I was in a highbrow bar at the Ritz Carlton, and their Pianist was asking folks for requests. I said to him, ""Can you play an Etude by Chopin?"" He replied, ""Which one?"" I responded, ""The composer."""

"How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb? Only one but the bulb has to really want to change."

"What's your father's name? Teacher: What's your father's name? Kid: Joke!! Teacher: (irritatingly) are you kidding? kid: Nopes, he's my brother, I am joking!!"