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Joke of the Day

"Judging by this line at Costco it doesn't look like I'll ever see my family again. Sweet."

"Interviewer: ""So, where do you see yourself in 5 years?"" Me: ""My biggest weakness? Probably not listening properly."""

"Stole a bunch of extra long q-tips from the doctor. Who wants to party?"

"What did the redditor say to the other redditor? Yes."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Coda ! Coda who ? Coda paint !"

"What's the difference between a fish and a guitar? You can't tuna fish!!!"

"DAD: [grabs chest] Quick! Call me an ambulance. ME: [hesitantly] You're... an ambulance. DAD: I'm- I'm so proud of you, son [dies]"

"The link between Eschatology and Scatology While no one really knows what will happen at the end of times, one thing is certain. It will all go to shit."

"Blond joke! :D What do you call a dead blond in the closet? - last year's hide & seek! :D"

"Detective: how were u able to do it? Serial Killer: thanks to the flexibility of Uber. I was able to work my own hours and still murder"