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Joke of the Day

"A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his pants... The bartender looks over and says, ""Get the fuck out of my bar, we're sick of hearing this goddamn joke."""

"What did the penis say to the testicles? There's a vas deferens between us"

"Sorry about my two week Twitter hiatus, I was trying to find the end of the plastic wrap."

"Why does a chicken coup have two doors? If it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan!"

"Q: How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Just one if he's got a good crew to do it."

"What do you call an aminoacid glued to an Australian? A glutamate."

"I feel like my parents grossly overstated the number of times I'd be offered candy by strangers."

"I saw this heartwarming video of baby bears climbing out of a dumpster and thought, ""Who would throw away a perfectly good baby bear?"""

"When I see Scary Spice now I can't help but think our fear threshold was much lower in the mid-90s"

"What do you call your mother's father when he's good to you? A Grand-father."