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Joke of the Day

"Temperatures last night dropped into the high 80s. Flannel PJs and a heavy down comforter kept my teeth from chattering too loudly."

"What do a Total Bitch and her Tampon have in common? NSFW They're both Stuck-up Cunts."

"What's Sideshow Bobs least favorite creepypasta? The Rake."

"Ever look out the window of a plane and see a huge target on the roof of a Target? Haven't these people ever watched the History Channel?"

"When I finally had sex in a hall of mirrors I was fucking beside myself."

"What did E.T.'s mother say when E.T. got home? ""Where on Earth have you been??!!"" **Thank you, I'll be here all night... Edit: Thanks for da love Dr. Jones!"

"You might say I'm socially constipated... ... ... I haven't given a shit in years."

"The government. Unfortunately, wherever you're from, they are a joke."

"[job interview] Interviewer: ""Do you have any questions for me?"" Me: ""How strong is the wifi signal in the restroom?"" Interviewer:"

"Grandma catches Bobby beating-off Stop it! Don't you know you can go blind from that? Gee gram, can't I just do it till I need glasses?"