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Joke of the Day

"What's the most Jewish instrument? The Sachs"

"Last year I was quite miserable and depressed, so I made it my new year's resolution to turn that around. Thanks 2016, you helped me achieve my goal and made me depressed and miserable."

"I thought I had an STD once... turned out it was just carpal tunnel."

"Watched an old man pay in all quarters and my only thought was ""he must keep all the money he pulls from behind kid's ears"""

"Bernie Sanders should change his name to Colonel. That way he'll surely get the black vote."

"How do you prevent 9/11? Make it a Malaysian airlines flight."

"What did cheese say when it looked in the mirror? Halloumi"

"Does the defense have any last words? ""Yes I do your honor... THE FLOOR IS MADE OF LAVA"" [Judge & jury scramble to get on top of tables]"

"My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring..."

"My sex life is like my credit card. It expired a long time ago."