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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference... What's the difference between Pussy and Cunt? Pussy is warm, furry and wonderful ! Cunt is, unfortunately, in charge of pussy..."

"Two goldfish are alone in a tank, One says to the other one, ""have any idea how to drive this thing?"""

"Where is your 1,000 word essay? ""Right here"" *pulls out selfie* That's a picture... ""A picture is worth 1,000 words"" *becomes valedictorian*"

"What do you call a funny snake? HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSTERICAL ^^^my ^^^son ^^^^told ^^^^^me ^^^^^^this ^^^^^^^one.."

"Today I saw ""Jesus doesn't care about your grades"" written on the sidewalk in chalk and all I could think was ""Thank god, he'd be pissed"""

"What's your favorite game if you wear a turban? Hide-and-Sikh"

"So a banana gets a job, how much does he make? Not that much he's working for scale."

"[From Basement]: *scary murdery noise* Me: oh shit Me: *makes slightly more scary more murdery noise* [From Basement]: Oh shit"

"Why couldn't Billy the Jet go flying with his friends? Because he was grounded."

"I went to see the nurse this morning for my annual check-up. She told me that I have to stop jerking off. I asked, ""Why?"" She replied, ""Because I'm trying to examine you."""