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Joke of the Day

"Two goldfish are alone in a tank, One says to the other one, ""have any idea how to drive this thing?"""

"Today I witnessed an amputee being hanged. I tried to save him, but yelled out all the wrong letters. (H/T Demetri Martin)"

"How do you mess with a blind person? Leave the plunger in the toilet."

"Why did Gigi leave the party angrily? Because she's Hadid."

"What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you? A pool table."

"You'd give your life for me? Your life sucks what else you got?"

"DAVE: sorry im late alvin needed me DATE: is that your son? DAVE: for the last time gwen, he's the lead singer in the chipmunk band i manage"

"How long is a 0 or 1? Just a little bit."

"How do you kill a circus? Go for the juggler!"