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Joke of the Day

"Graduation speech: I would like to thank Wikipedia, and copy/paste. I'm out bitc$es"

"Asked my dad if he heard about the head tranplant on the news. He said, ""No, but it sounds like it's way ahead of it's time."""

"Where in the hell are Dora the Explorer's parents? Do they know she's riding a damn crocodile into a volcano?"

"No, autocorrect, I'm not ""pooping"" popcorn. Not now anyway. Later, yes, but I don't plan to text about it."

"Who was the first to see a cow and think ""I wonder what will happen if I squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out?"""

"A Russian bomber was intercepted 20 miles from Los Angeles at 5:17am this morning, but no one wants to talk about it 'cause I made it up."

"Before social networking you could just completely forget someone existed, it ruled"

"Mute the voices in your head by eating really crunchy food."

"Donald Trump always looks like he's just opened a really hot oven."

"14yo: My voice keeps randomly changing DOCTOR: That's normal at your age 14yo: [Batman voice] Thank you doctor DOCTOR: That's not normal"