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Joke of the Day

"A Russian bomber was intercepted 20 miles from Los Angeles at 5:17am this morning, but no one wants to talk about it 'cause I made it up."

"Did you hear about the mummy that reached the top 10 with his new album? People say it's cause he has the tightest wraps"

"I flirted with disaster last night. Now disaster won't stop texting me."

"I lost an ibuprofen under my dresser a week ago and now I'm worried the spiders are coming after me with no headaches and renewed vigor."

"If you put your right ear really close to your left knee and you listen... ...you can hear a voice say 'What the fuck are you doing?'"

"A book commits suicide every time you watch a reality show."

"We should change the saying to ""Home is where your phone automatically connects to your wifi""."

"What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig ? A teddy boar !"

"What's the difference between a skeptic and a conspiracy theorist? You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

"I had a pet owl that like to sing songs to me... ...it was really a hoot."