226705

Joke of the Day

"Dad to kid: ""Connor, eat your food!"" ""Eat your food!"" ""Eat your food!"" ""Eat your food!"" Me: *turns around, eats all of kid's food*"

"My Grandfather was one of those Unorthodox Jews. He was a Nazi."

"Wife has a fever. Daughter has a fever. Neither are of the ""disco"" variety."

"The term ""Every 60 seconds in Africa , a minute passes"" is stupid Because the majority of Africans don't get seconds , they'll be very lucky if they even get their first servings ."

"Why is sex like a bridge game? You don't need a partner if you have a good hand."

"Maybe I'd bother with cologne if my natural scent didn't make even elderly women violently ovulate."

"People fear what they don't understand: Change Death 4th grade math word problems"

"Sorry about all the typos lately, gays."

"To the person who stole my selfie stick: You need to take a long look at yourself."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Alvin ! Alvin who ! Alvin zis competition - just vait and see!"