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Joke of the Day

"Dad to kid: ""Connor, eat your food!"" ""Eat your food!"" ""Eat your food!"" ""Eat your food!"" Me: *turns around, eats all of kid's food*"

"Why does Bill Clinton wear underwear? To keep his ankles warm."

"*spills wine on Ouija board* OUIJA: *moving pointer by itself* H-E-Y S-S-E-X-Y D-Y-O-O-U-W-W-A-N-N-A M-A-K-E O-U-T ME: *moves pointer to NO*"

"Hey, did you hear about that man who flew so close to the sun he touched it in exactly one spot? After that, he was a real tan gent."

"Did you guys know a Mexican's brain is the most expensive out all the race? Because its brand new and never been used"

"[first date] ""You're not into anything weird right?"" -not at all *gestures to my ferret army to fall back*"

"Apparently. white is the new black... Just ask the Spokane NAACP"

"There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Trailer Trash Barbie ...complete with double wide trailer home"

"I used to be a halogen Then I took a proton to the Ne."

"Did you hear about the banana thief? He's appealing his sentence"