67583

Joke of the Day

"Maybe I'd bother with cologne if my natural scent didn't make even elderly women violently ovulate."

"If you want to relate to how old people probably feel just imagine that a bowl of soup cost $40 and everybody else acted like that was fine."

"Why couldn't the NSA do anything after the blizzard? Because they were Snowden."

"A programmer puts two glasses on his bedside table... ...one full of water in case he gets thirsty, one empty in case he doesn't."

"Did you hear about the man who choked on his lasagna dinner? He pasta way."

"I just sent a screen shot of my drunken tweets to my friends & they are still asking if I can come pick them up"

"""You miss 100% of the shots you don't take."" -Lee Harvey Oswald"

"Him: So whattayou wanna do? Her: I dunno Him: So...You wanna play video games? Her: No! Him: So...You wanna watch me play video games?"

"I was talking to Marcel Marceau the other day. You know what he said? Nothing he's dead"

"I want to write about what's happening on reddit... ...but I can't spell ""drama"" without ""AMA."""